Funny Quotes

“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”

“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”

“I am easily satisfied with the very best.”

“Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”

“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”

“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”

“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”

“The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.”

“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”

“Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.”

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.”

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.”

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

“Will you succeed? Yes you will indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed.”

“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.”

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”