Funny Quotes

Witty, humorous, and laugh-out-loud quotes from great minds.

29 quotes

Featured Quote

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.

Dr. Seuss

Top funny quote authors

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.

Dr. Seuss

I am easily satisfied with the very best.

Winston Churchill

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

Winston Churchill

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Mark Twain

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.

Voltaire

A good friend will always stab you in the front.

Oscar Wilde

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.

Oscar Wilde

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

Winston Churchill

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.

Confucius

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Mark Twain

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

Oscar Wilde

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Oscar Wilde

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

Confucius

Will you succeed? Yes you will indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed.

Dr. Seuss

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Theodore Roosevelt

The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.

Voltaire

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Mark Twain